Oprah's Diet Expert

I love it when magazines interview Oprah's expert diet consultant.  What was his advice?  "You need more caramel flavored butter!"  

New Batman awesome as hell?

I saw the original Batman on TV last night, and that was just awesome, in that Michael Keaton is perhaps the least intimidating man on the face of the Earth.  He's like, what, 5'4 and 100 pounds.   Kim Basinger could have whopped his ass.  I can just picture the villains looking at him and being like "Yeah, um...we're just gonna keep robbing if it's cool with you."  And then there's that scene where he attacks the Jokers balloons and a giant pair of scissors pops out of the front of the Batwing.  Because Batman totally knew he was going to encounter giant deadly balloons, a hedge badly in need of trimming, or an italian woman.  Hahahah, because they're hairy.

Mila Kunis pumping gas

I'd offer to help pump her tank, but she's all about self-service.

Capn' Obvious: That's a sexual metaphor!!

Fall Out (of the vaginer)

Ashlee Simpson announced she's pregnant, surprising anyone who is borderline retarded. Knowing Fall Out Boy's tendency to give things ironic and unfunny titles, this kid will probably named "Bed is the only time you want to come in last (it's a boy)".

Latte of Doom!

Apparently, Dunkin Donuts pulled this ad because the scarf she's rocking looks like the traditional garb of the Palestinian jihad. I guess no one's gonna check out my "It's a taste EXPLOSION!" ad, where the dude explodes in a burst of delicious custard cream, resulting in four taste-alities.

Tito Ortiz..bring it on!

Tito Ortiz? Sounds like a delicious brand of tortilla chips!


Bring it!!

Are they le-le-lessssbians?!?!?

Kissing your friend and holding hands doesn't make you gay!! Oh, it does? Shit.